Free Falling
by Lurking101
Summary: Slight AU. Where Jane can't get over what she did and Maura is at a loss. Will their relationship hold? "Dear Maura...I'm sorry. "Jane. Jane please, put it down." Rated likely to go up for later chapters. WARNING: Character death. Don't jump to conclusions now...
1. Chapter 1

Slight AU (changed events of season 2 finale). Pre-established relationship, started before season 1, ignoring the events of season 3 pretty much apart from a few things, you'll see as you go along. EDIT: Warning - character death. (don't jump to conclusion bout who that is either!)

This is my first fic in almost 3 years, so please take pity. I've planned out subsequent chapters but I'll see what reaction I get from this first before posting! Reviews are of course, very welcome and if anyone would care to beta, let me know! I have had a read through but I've missed any mistakes please tell me.

Inspiration taken from a tumblr gifset for which i cannot get the link to work?

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me unfortunately, otherwise they would not be going after silly boys! Characters and places belong to TNT, Janet Tamaro and Tess Geritsen.

* * *

**_Prologue._**

Maura took a deep breath as she approached the front door key's in hand, preparing herself for another evening of short sentences and tension. She looked at her wedding ring, glinting in the porch lights, hoping the news she received today would pull her wife out of the depression she had been stuck in ever since that undercover operation that had gone so terribly wrong.

_"I can't believe I'm letting you do this." said Jane, as Maura lifted her top, allowing her to tape the wire to her smooth torso._

_"I_ can_ do this Jane. You'll be there, and Korsak and Frost. I trust you, all of you, not to let anything happen to me."_

_Pulling down her wife's shirt Jane straightened and put her hands on Maura's shoulders. Hoping her partners weren't listening to their comms devices at that moment she looked Maura in the eye._

_"I know, but I've done this before, planning for all circumstances and things _have_ gone wrong, unforseen things. It's more than just the two of us now." She lowered her left hand to rub her wife's stomach. "Well, hopefully more than just the two of us..." She smiled._

_Maura smiled back and covered the hand before taking it and kissing Jane's knuckles._

_"I know, of course I know. But there's no other way to draw out the killer, we know it's one of the unit and they know I'll be here. It's the only way, Korsak said so himself." She gave Jane back her hand and straightened, framing Jane's face with her hands. _

_"Trust me, sweetheart. Nothing can happen with you here, I believe need to as well." _

_With a soft kiss to her cheek Maura left Jane standing at the back of the warehouse and walked towards the crime scene._

* * *

Jane barely heard the front door open, the swish of wood on the welcome mat was dampened by the pounding of blood in her ears. Every sound had been drowned out for the past 2 hours she had sat there, the scars on her hands aching and her breathing shallow.

She'd been staring at the items on the table for so long her eyes had gone dry, her hand glided over the letter, _"Dear Maura..." _as she heard the familiar click of heels in the entranceway.

Picking up her well used pistol, Jane didn't hear the thud of shopping bags hit the oakwood floor she had so painstakingly sanded down and re-polished almost a year ago. As she balanced the welcoming weight of the gun in her hand, she didn't hear the sharp intake of breath from a few feet behind her; a sound heard once before when she had gone down on one knee under the stars in Maura's backyard

_"Marry me Maura Isles, say you'll be mine forever and I'll never leave you. Marry me." _

The only thoughts running through her head in that moment were that this was the right thing to do, she couldn't stick around when she was such a danger to all that she loved and cherished. Ironically enough, she heard Maura's voice, a conversation they'd had barely two months ago over the body of what looked to be suicide

_"You know how I hate to speculate Detective...but the fact's speak for themselves. It is well known that if a woman was to take her own life she would avoid damaging her facial features. Vain perhaps, but it doesn't indicate that this may not be suicide. I shall of course have to test for GSR before I can confirm that."_

Jane almost laughed; she wasn't a woman anymore.

She wasn't a wife.

She was a monster.

A danger to everyone and she needed to be gone. It was the only solution now.

Jane glanced once more at the letter on the table.

_"Dear Maura... I'm sorry."_

* * *

Maura stopped in her tracks, her bags hit the floor and her hand flew to her mouth. She watched the love of her life, shoulders slouched and her back to the door, reach across the table reached for her service weapon.

"Jane."

There was no reaction. As if in slow motion Maura watched as Jane picked it up and bought it towards herself.

"Jane, please. Put it down."

Maura's feet were betraying her, they weren't moving like she wanted. She was planted to the wooden floor she loved to much. The floor where once, she and Jane had made love, so absorbed by each other's bodies they couldn't even make it to the bedroom.

_"Jane!"_

She was starting to hyperventilate. Panic flooding through her. _Why wasn't her body moving? _Nothing was working.

Maura's eyes tracked Jane's hands, those beautiful hands, as they clenched around the butt of the gun, flipping it around and her thumb fitting into the trigger guard.

She watched, desperate, helpless, tears blurring her vision as Jane put the muzzle in her mouth.

Running out of what to say, Maura whimpered.

"It worked. _Jane_. _It worked_."

Silence.

"_Jane..._"

* * *

Something was filtering through to her brain, as she closed her teeth and lips around the cold steel, she heard it.

"Jane... I'm pregnant."

She blinked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for you're patience at my slow updates, life caught up with my for a bit. But here we have Chapter 2, delving into what sent Jane to the place she's in now. WARNING: Character death. But don't presume that's it...! *Evil laugh* This is un-beta'd so any mistakes are mine. **

**I apologise if it feels slightly repetitive, I have paraphrased the final scene from Season 2 but soem of the dialogue is the same. **

**Thank you to everyone who has favourited, followed and reviewed... I am totally overwhelmed. I hope this is worth the wait.**

* * *

"Hey, Jane..._I'm doing a UC_" Maura jutted her hop out as she said this, making Jane laugh. "This wire doesn't make me look like I have three breasts does it?"

"I dunno... but I might be into that..." Jane winked, earning her a sharp slap on the arm currently trying to attach the wire to Maura smooth stomach.

"Listen to me now though, this is serious..."

"You don't have to tell me that Jane, I know" Maura smiled, cupped her wife's jaw with her hand.

"I really don't want you to do this but were hoping he's desperate enough to follow you into that warehouse and try again." Jane took a deep breath. "But I'm gonna be here this time, I'll make sure nothing happens."

Maura smiled up at Jane feeling the familiar rush of warmth that occurred when her lover spoke from the heart.

"I'm ready."

"I love you..."

"I love you too."

With a quick kiss Maura entered the warehouse.

Jane watched her wife walk into the warehouse, her stomach doing backflips the whole while. Today had start off to wonderfully as well...

_"Do you think it worked Maur... do you think we made a baby last night...?" Jane grinned and kissed her wife's naked belly, pulling the sheets down. _

_Maura closed her eyes in contentment, enjoying the attention she was getting. She brushed her hand down Jane's naked back._

_"Let's wait for the results sweetheart; it will only be a few weeks, before assume anything."_

_As sure as Jane was that last night had been successful, an idea was forming in her head._

_"What do you say to doing it again this morning...just to make sure it worked...?" She crawled up and straddled Maura's bare hips, kissing along her collarbone as her fingers traced patterns on her lovers waist. _

_"But we ran out of the sperm last night Jane. There isn't anymore left"_

_Jane sat up and screwed up her face._

_"Please don't ever say 'sperm' in our marital bed again Maura... I know the specifics but I prefer not to think about them too much..." She grinded her hips slightly. "And I know that we...used it up last night but, that doesn't mean we can't have sex..."_

_"Well, when you put it like that" Maura smiled, sitting up and wrapping her arms around Jane's waist. "Maybe we could move it to the shower?"_

_Jane re-entered the bedroom in her towel and started to get ready for the day as Maura blow dried her hair. _

_"I think we might have been successful last night... I've got a really just got a feeling... something about today..."_

_She kissed Maura on the cheek once she was dressed and went to make coffee._

"You shouldn't have come here by yourself" said Kevin, approaching Maura standingwhere they had found Craig Hills body.

"Why not?" Maura turned, facing they killer.

"You know why not, I had to make sure people understand they couldn't keep laying us off."

Maura's heart rate increased. This man was responsible for all of those fires, he had killed his team mate in cold blood. She was terrified but knew she had to get some sort of confession on tape.

"How did you do that Kevin?"

"You know how, burned a few buildings. Then Craig started digging around. Just like you, you both should have just left it alone..." He started advancing on her and Maura saw Jane's face peek around the wall behind him, panic written all over her face.

"Kevin don't-!" Maura screamed as he had pulled out a gun.

She waited to be hit when she heard the shot go off, but nothing happened, no burning sensation, no pain.

The instant Jane saw Kevin reach for his weapon she was around that corner, gun raised but before she could say or do anything a shot came from across the warehouse. There was Paddy Doyle, on the catwalk with a smoking gun. Kevin was down.

'DROP YOUR WEAPON DOYLE.' Her partner aimed at the crime boss.

"Frost no!"

Doyle turned to them, gun still raised, he was going to-

"NO!' Was that her voice?

*Bang*

Frost was hit. Paddy had shot her partner. She didn't take the time to see him hit the ground but she heard it, the thump of a dead weight hitting concrete. Jane raised her sidearm high, as Paddy turned on her, she let off a shot.

Doyle fell, through the barrier behind him and down to the ground so far below him.

"Maura...MAURA!" _Please don't let her be hurt._ Jane thought as her vision tunneled to her wife, who had remained crouched on her knees, up until that last parting shot.

Jane reached Maura as she skidded to stop over her fathers prone body. Stripping off her jacket, Jane offered it to Maura hoping to be of some help, her fallen partner momentarily forgotten.

"Don't touch him!" Jane pulled her arm back, shocked. She tried again.

"No! I mean it Jane, don't you _dare_ touch him!"

Slack jawed at her wife's reaction Jane stood up. _Frost! _She rushed back over to where her partner was. He was on his back, eyes closed and his breathing shallow.

"Frost! Barry...c'mon partner open your eyes for me." There was so much blood, how could there be so much blood? Her gun forgotten on the ground, Jane ripped open her partner's shirt, searching for the bullet entry wound, hoping to stem the flow.

"Hey... Rizzoli..." Frost's voice was weak, his eyes only half open. "It hurts...Jane, it hurts real bad."

"Hey...HEY! You're gonna be just fine Frost. You listen to me you're gonna be just..." She'd found the wound, almost dead center in his chest. "...fine. It's fine, just a scratch partner...you're gonna be okay..."

"You were a good partner Rizzoli. I wouldn't want to learn from anyone else..."

"No...you're not saying your goodbye's yet. Don't start with that bullshit..." Jane looked around.

"HELP. We need a medic here...NOW!"

"You're loud..." Frost coughed, blood spurting out and trickling down his cheek and neck. "Tell...tell Korsak to...tell him to cut down on the donuts...if he ever wants to meet my...track record."

"I'll tell him Frost, but you can tell him too. You gotta be able to tell him too." This couldn't be happening. Her partner, her close friend was saying his goodbyes.

"And Maura..." Jane looked across at the woman in question, still crouched over her father's body. "You hit the jackpot Jane...family...you two will have the most amazing family...I always liked her Rizzoli."

Frost couched again, Jane's fingers in the bullet hole doing nothing to stop all the blood. It was dark. Bright and dark at the same time, _How was that possible? _Jane the collar of his shirt and concrete below him.

"Don't you...you've got to tell her that Barry... you've got to tell her that yourself. You've got to live dammit!"

His eyes closed. He'd stopped moving.

"_Frost! _C'mon Frost... don't you do this to me... don't you." Jane's vision had gone cloudy. "Don't you dare..."

It was too late. She was too late, if she hadn't gone to check on that _goddamn_ murder Frost would still be alive.

She'd failed him.

It was her fault. All of it, her partner had died on a mission she herself had put together.

It was her fault.


	3. Chapter 3

Pretty much going forward from Chapter 2 now, not a whole lot of flashbacks... you'll find out what happened to Jane soon(-ish) I promise! Keep your theories coming in, they make for good reading!

I apologise for the late update, I hit that wall and it's taken this long to break through!

Thank you to all my followers and reviewers! I wouldn't have got this far without knowing you were all there! It's overwhelming!

* * *

As the dust settled an uneasy silence settled over the warehouse. Sobbing could be heard as other squad members rushed in, followed closely by Korsak and Frankie.

"Oh my god..." Maura could hear someone talking behind her, over the pounding in her ears as she repeatedly compressed Paddy Doyle chest.

"Come on Doyle! You can't leave me with that... you can't just leave me with hope!" She lost all sense of decorum, all her training for appropriate technique as she thumped away at Doyle's chest with clenched fists.

"Maura...Maur c'mon, he's gone" She felt arms pulling her up and she turned, seeing a fleeting glimpse of blue uniform as she buried her face in Frankie's chest. "Jane...she needs you..."

Frankie pulled her away from her father's prone body. _Or is he my sperm donor?_ Maura thought, as her stiff legs struggled to find purchase on the floor.

"Maura look at me." She leant back and met her brother-in-laws eyes, they were filled with sorrow and unshed tears. "Frost is...Doyle shot Frost." Frankie looked over her shoulder and she turned, her stomach dropping unpleasantly.

Jane was on her knees, her whole body shaking and Maura could see Frost's legs, one bent under the other, unmoving.

"She shot him Frankie... she shot Doyle." Frankie pulled away, aghast.

"_And Doyle shot Frost! _He's _dead _Maura...Jane's parter is gone and she needs you."

"I...I can't...I..." Maura took a deep breath, she was lost. Her wife had just shot her sperm-donor father, but there she was, sobs wracking her lithe body, kneeling over the body of the man said sperm-donor had shot.

Maura took a deep breath, steadying herself. She needed to see this as it was, Jane was... Jane was doing her job, it was a reason. It was an excuse. It was...it was what she was trained to do and Maura needed to push her own feelings down for another time.

Her wife needed her.

* * *

_This CANNOT be happening_, Jane shook. _How could it have gone so wrong so quickly?_

"Jane..." She heard her wife's shaky voice. "Jane come on, get up, we need to get you out of here."

She felt Maura's arms slip under her arms, pulling her up and slinging one arm over her shoulder. Jane couldn't tear her eyes away from the man on the floor. Not even being in wife's arms could distract her or take away the shocking pain in her chest.

"Let's go... work with me Jane, please." She felt herself turn, woodenly putting one foot in front of the other as Maura guided her out into the sunlight.

The light was too bright, causing Jane to squint as she was set down on the back of an ambulance, the foil sheet wrapped around her. Blinking, she saw Maura crouched in front of her looking into her eyes, an unreadable expression on her face.

"It's going to be okay Jane." She felt hands running up and down her thighs, it warmed her a little.

"It's going to be okay." She repeated the mantra to herself, praying it would ring true. As her mind cleared, Jane ran the events of the last half an hour through her mind.

Doyle protected Maura when she couldn't.

Doyle shot Frost.

Doyle killed Frost.

She'd shot Doyle. Had she killed him? A fall that far...he couldn't have survived surely?

"Maur...what happened to Doyle?" The hands on her knees were lifted abruptly. She was cold again.

"He's dead. You killed him." Maura's voice was flat and empty of emotion.

_Oh._

* * *

The funeral for Detective Barry Frost the following week was a sombre affair. His father stood tall and silent in his navy uniform, a white beacon in a see of navy blue dress uniforms. Maura stood across from her wife and the other detectives, the distance stretching further than the plot between them. Jane refused to meet hers, or anyone's eyes, staring blankly ahead as the service went on around her, the only thought running through her mind was that it was _her _fault, if she had done something; if she'd drawn her weapon quicker, used her _goddamn _intuition and realised it was highly likely that Paddy Doyle would be there to defend his only daughter.

As the coffin was lowered into the ground, Jane allowed her gaze to drop, her scars ached and her fists clenched and unclenched repeatedly behind her back while she struggled to control her emotions, to not break down or show any weakness.

Only Korsak, who stood next to her, heard the whispered _"I'm sorry."_

* * *

Maura drove home in silence, the humming of her Prius the only sound between herself and Jane.

As she pulled up in their driveway, Maura glanced across the console at her love, staring blankly out of the window. "Jane, let's go inside."

"Okay" Came the reply as Maura led the way up the short drive and through the front door. "Can we...can we have a bath?"

Maura let a tight smile show, "Of course," and led the way to the bathroom.

Throughout their relationship there had never been an urge to cover up or hide their bodies from one another, but in the week since the shooting everything had changed. Jane barely said to words to her and Maura, usually so sure and assertive around her wife, just didn't know how to tackle the underlying problem.

Sighing as she sank into the tub settling between her wife's legs, Maura thought that really, she was scared to face what their mutual silence was really about. There was the real concern that if she bought up all that had happened she wouldn't be able to hold back her anger, however undeserved it was and she would say things she didn't mean to Jane.

Jane who had only been doing her job, had been there to protect her.

Jane who had shot her _father _before Paddy Doyle had the chance to tell her more about her birth mother.

Jane _knew_ that. She _knew _how much finding out more information about her birth mother meant to Maura.

As Jane's arms wrapped stiffly around her waist, hands resting platonically together over her stomach, Maura closed her eyes.

Soon. She would face everything soon.

Jane needed her.


	4. Chapter 4

After long last, her we have it. Chapter 4.

I cannot say thank you enough for you patience with this. Unfortunately life caught up with me and all you wonderful people have my deepest apologies. It won't be several months again! I promise!

I'd like to dedicate this particular chapter to the wonderful Feltknickers. Please don't kill me...

I would love to hear what you think, no matter what it is as long as you give reasoning for any criticism so i can improve! I apologise for any mistakes, it is currently 3am and any mistakes are mine.

Enjoy! xoxo

* * *

The next couple of weeks after Frost's funeral were a real test on Maura's patience. Jane spent most of the days in her pyjamas on the sofa, not doing much of anything while Maura had gone back to work after a week of leave.

As Maura slipped her key into the front door, she was hoping once again, to bring a mile to her wife's face having bought home Jane's favourite. The half and half pizza with pepperoni and mushrooms coupled with beer would hopefully help her wife open up a little.

She had even bought herself a feta cheese salad, and if Jane's mood was good Maura felt she might be abel to persuade her to have some with the pizza.

"I bought your favourite sweetheart, so I hope you're hungry!" Maura closed the door with her foot. "We can split the pizza, drink this beer and if your up for it have some salad too- _oh." _The coffee table was littered with takeout containers from the most frequented Chinese restaurant and Jane was fast asleep on the couch as the end credit's to 'Bad Boys 2' rolled.

Setting the purchases on the counter, something inside of Maura snapped and she began to tidy away the rubbish her wife had carelessly left, as noisily as possible.

xx

The sound of the metal bin snapping shit finally made Jane jump enough that she could no longer pretend to be asleep.

As she sat up and stretched she noticed her wife, hands on her hips and a glare that could rival Angela Rizzoli's firmly planted on her face.

"When does Cavanaugh want you back at work?"

Silence.

"You've been like this for two weeks now Jane..."

Silence

"You must know I understand... I do. But you're not getting an exercise, not stimulating your brain at all... it will be even harder for you to get back into working cases."

Jane sat on the sofa, elbows on knees and her head in her hands. She was about to respond when Maura's voice sounded closer than before making her look up sharply.

"Do you really think that Barry would want you to mope around all this time?!" Maura's voice was shrill, the end of her tether yards behind her. "Surely he would want you out there, on top form solving cases in his memory, capturing murderers like he is unable to-"

Jane stood, towering over her wife.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! You don't know anything MY partner would have wanted me to do! If I was him, I would want the person responsible for my death to suffer, and mope and feel as goddamn awful as I do right now!"

"Jane you are not responsible for what happened! There is no way you could've known that-" Maura's voice got smaller. "You know who pulled the trigger and it wasn't... it wasn't your fault."

Jane was breathing heavily as Maura turned back tot he kitchen to put the beer in the fridge, obviously trying to take a moment to compose herself, but Jane wouldn't give her the opportunity.

"You can't eve say his name can you Maura!? Your own father's name, the man I shot and killed. The man that shot and killed Frost."

xx

Maura stiffened, one hand on the open fridge door as the other slowly, shakily, went to her hip.

"If I had had any sense Maura, I would've known Doyle would be there to protect you... his _daughter."_

The fridge door slammed.

"YES Jane. Yes it was that... my... my biological father that you shot. You think I don't _know _this!? You think that fact hasn't been running though my mind every hour of every day since that shot first rang out!?"

Maura turned, not to be intimidated, facing up to her equally incensed wife.

"EVERYDAY since then it's been at the forefront of my mind, but I chose to put you first. I chose to put you ahead of my _severely _ conflicted feelings.

"Conflicted feelings? I..."

Maura wouldn't let herself be stopped.

"You had shot the only person Jane, who helf any information about my biological mother. That awful, _terrible_ man had just shot my friend, your partner and could _so easily have killed you..._" A sobbed ripped its way out of her throat. "If anything good has come out of you self inflicted punishment, its that I've had time to process all these feelings; about how I reacted, how you reacted. About the events of the warehouse that day."

Taking a deep, steadying breath, the shorter woman took a step forward.

"Jane you _need_ to stop blaming yourself. No-one else does and I'm positive that Barry wouldn't either. You were doing your job and none of us had planned for all eventuality."

xx

Jane was breathing heavily, staring steadily at the pizza box as though the jolly looking chef would give her all the answer she could ever do. That is would tell her what to do now.

"I can't Maur. I can't stop replaying that morning in my head. What I could have done differently, if we'd used another Detective instead of you - you could've been _killed_! Maybe if I'd gone instead of you, Doyle wouldn't have shown up and _none of this would have happened_."

Jane punctuated the last sentence with a long swipe at the pizza box, sending mushroom and pepperoni alike scattering on the floor and spurring her wife to round the counter quickly and wrap her arms around Jane as she sunk to the floor.

Together they leaned against the antique wooded panels and as Maura stroked the hair out of her face, Jane rambled into her neck swinging back and forth between reasoning with and blaming herself for the death of her friend and colleague.

When all sound but soft breathing had died out, Maura led Jane to bed. The same bed not a month ago they had attempted to conceive a child in and it wasn't long before a stillness settled over both of the bed's occupants.

While Maura snored softly, as she always did when she lay on her back, Jane was awake for hours longer. Repetitive thoughts running riot through her head, recounting the many mistakes she made that fateful day.

Hindsight was a bitch.

Jane realised she'd never even answered the sleeping woman's question; When _was_ she going back to work?

Monday.

Two days.

She was going back to work in three days and Jane knew there was no way in hell she'd be able to handle it. It would kill her inside to see that empty desk opposite hers, the action figure stood pride of place. Maybe Frankie would have taken it to keep it safe now?

There wold be no ignoring the sympathetic looks from the rest of the precinct - Maura had already told her in passing that everyone sent their sympathies.

Everything would just be too much for Jane to handle. It was obvious to her now and would be just as true in three days time.

Knowing she couldn't go back, not to be stuck at her desk for months as she saw the mandatory precinct therapist.

There was no going back.

There was no going forward anymore either. Not anymore.

Resolute in her decision, Jane reached over and laid an arm across the back of her wife; something she hadn't done since well before the incident. As she moved closer Jane got a waft of her favourite smell: Maura's hair.

It calmed her, centered her and ultimately sent her off to sleep waiting for tomorrow.


End file.
